Lose Everything
by Alex Breen
Summary: <html><head></head>The sequel to Let Laughter Cease. The war was supposed to be over. With Jace now gone, Jonathan's ties to the mortal world are gone as well. So why isn't he? Julia and Jake do whatever they can to save each other. But what will that do to everyone else?</html>
1. Burning

**Well…Here is the start of the Sequel for Let Laughter Cease. I had about half of it written and never posted it, but now I am re-inspired. One problem with it is that I wrote what I had before City of Heavenly Fire and there are a lot of things in this story that don't match with that book (for example: SPOILER: the way the Heavenly Fire is taken out of Jace.) I can't really change them because it won't fit with Let Laughter Cease if I do, but here it is anyway. Enjoy**

* * *

><p><em>Julia looked around her. Alicante was on fire. She had a distant memory of seeing this before, from a different view. She subconsciously looked up and to her left. She saw herself and Jake up on a distant hill. What was going on?<em>

_Someone grabbed her arm. Julia spun quickly, taking herself out of their grasp and slamming the palm of her hand down on the persons forearm._

"_Ow," the person said. "What are you trying to do? Break my arm?"_

_Julia looked into gold eyes. For the briefest of seconds she thought she was looking at her father, but then she took in the whole appearance. _

"_Jake?" she asked, confused. "Jake why are your eyes gold?"_

"_What do you mean?" he asked rubbing his arm._

"_I…I don't know," she replied. She looked into his eyes and saw they were a perfect brown. "They just looked gold for a minute," she said uncertainly. "It's odd. When I first met you I thought they were gold. But they're brown. Just like they are now."_

"_My eyes have never been gold," he replied looking confused. "Are you okay babe?" he asked._

"_I think so," she replied. He grabbed her hand in his. "Come on," he said starting to drag her away. "We need to go."_

_She nodded numbly still trying to think about why his eyes were gold. It wasn't until a couple of minutes later that she realized he was leading her through the city._

"_Jake?" she asked, pulling her arm out of his._

"_What?" he asked, his expression turning to one of concern as he took her hand in his again._

"_Where are we going?" she asked._

"_Just trust me," he said._

"_Jake, you're leading me through burning streets. We have to get out of here."_

"_I would never hurt you, you know that."_

_Julia nodded, but still resisted him. This felt wrong. All wrong._

"_Why is Alicante on fire?" she asked as he dragged her along again._

"_You don't remember?" he asked. _

"_Remember what?" she asked._

_This time it was Jake who paused. He turned to face her. "Are you okay?" he asked._

"_I think so," she replied, once again uncertain. "What's going on?"_

"_Julia," he said slowly. "You started the fire."_

* * *

><p>Julia woke with a start. It took her a moment to get her bearings. She felt the comforting presence of Jake's arms around her. She was staying at the New York Institute with him, James, Annie, Macy. Emmett and Roy had been recalled to Alicante for more questioning. Julia thought it a bit odd since she had barely been questioned, but made no comment on it. Roy's new girlfriend, Cathy, and her tutor, had both stayed behind with the approval of the Consul. Julia tried to be sympathetic and kind to the girl, but was finding she did not like her very much. Her mother was still in Idris and spoke to her with as little contact as possible. Jake shifted behind her. Amongst the few talks she had with her mother was a warning to "be safe." She knew her mother wasn't happy she was staying so far away and living with her boyfriend, even if it was at the institute. But, she reasoned to herself, in her defense, what good would it be to live with her mother who would barely even speak to her and definitely would not help with her training. The truth was, now that she thought about it, she wasn't very close with her mother. It was her father that she had preferred to spend her time with. He trained her, and he seemed to always understand her, whereas her mother was constantly shaking her head and claiming she didn't understand anything Julia did. Truth be told, Julia did not really know her mother that well. Even if she could bear living with her, there was the city. Julia knew her parents had grown up here, and they had talked about it often, visiting on occasion, and Julia felt drawn to it. She used to recall images from the stories her parents would tell her. Now, every time she walked out the door of the Institute or looked out a window, she saw those sights.<p>

After training, she and Jake would take long walks around the city. Sometimes they would jump into a cab and he would take her to see some of the sights on the other side of the city. One day they got up early and traveled across the bridge to New Jersey for over half the day. Julia was happy. She missed her father, and hoped her mother would come around; she missed the beauty and glory of Idris, and her life at the manor house. But for the time being, she was content. She would take what she had for now and enjoy it.

Jake moaned softly next to her. It wasn't a moan of pain but more of a moan that he had been comfortable and she moved. She looked at his handsome face and smiled. He still refused to talk to his dad. From what little he had told her, all she knew was his dad had been released after questioning, and was residing in their countryside manor and had very little contact with any other Shadowhunters. Julia knew his dad tried to contact him once a week, but as far as she knew Jake never responded. She didn't even know if he read the letters his dad sent. She spent most of her time with him and had never seen him read one. She knew they were all in the top drawer of his dresser but figured it was best to respect his privacy.

Julia shifted a little more so she could face Jake. He smiled slightly, but kept his eyes closed. She had no idea how he could sleep so much. She brushed his hair back away from his eyes. It was getting a little long, but she liked it. He still didn't open his eyes so she kissed him lightly, right on the corner of his mouth. She could see his eyes shifting underneath their lids, but he still refused to open them.

"I know you're awake," she said softly in his ear, nibbling at it a little, trying to get him to react. Suddenly he sprang into action. Taken off-guard, she found herself pinned underneath him, his now open eyes only a couple of inches from her. He was smiling widely. Julia started laughing. He loved playing this game, trying to catch her off-guard and gain the upper hand on her. It didn't happen often, but he was getting better at it. Before she could say anything, he lowered his face the couple of inches and kissed her, slowly at first and then more rapidly. Within a minute, she pulled against his hands restraining her, longing to run her fingers through his hair and over his body. He complied, releasing her and wrapping his arms around her. He gently pushed on her back, lifting her a little and bringing them closer together. Julia thought she could never get enough of this. They hadn't been intimate since that one night, but each time they had moments like this it became harder and harder for her to resist. He pulled one arm out from under her and ran his hand up and down her side, pausing right above her pant line. Julia heard herself moan. Jake pulled out of the kiss, looking down at her. He was no longer smiling, but rather searching her face, as if asking for permission.

Julia felt his thumb slowly circling just below her waist line, trying to find the resolve to stop him. She knew that if she gave in now, she wasn't sure she would be able to stop him in a minute. He kissed her again, giving her another minute to decide, but all she could focus on was the small circles he was making with his thumb. She knew she was driving him nuts as well, running her hands up and down his chest, pulling at his back to make them closer. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with him, she was just scared. Last time it had been done for all the wrong reasons and there had been some bad consequences. She wanted the next time to be perfect. She ran her hand from his shoulder down his arm and onto his hand that was still hooked on the edge of her pants. The circling stopped and he took her hand into his. Ever so slowly, she pushed his hand below the waist line, giving him the permission he so badly wanted. She heard his breath catch and he pulled out of the kiss again, looking at her to make sure she was certain. She nodded once, unable to say anything.

"I love you," he whispered as he kissed her again releasing his hand from hers. She drew her hand out and ran it over his abs as his began to slowly inch its way downwards. Julia laid her head back, lost in a whirl of emotion. Jake moved his head down to meet hers, continuing to kiss her as his fingers continued to make their way down. Both their breaths were quickening and Julia drew Jake's shirt off. He lowered himself a little bit, kissing her neck, while what he was doing further down was making her gasp.

Suddenly, the door to the room was thrown open. "Breakfast time!" a voice shouted.

Jake jerked back suddenly, quickly withdrawing his hand from Julia. She shied away from him, as though caught doing something she shouldn't. She silently reprimanded herself. What they were doing was fine. They were in love. "By the Angel, can't you knock?" Jake asked of his best friend and parabati who was standing in the doorway. James's eyes roamed over them, realizing what he had just walked in on.

* * *

><p>Jake had never been so mad and James. He had been so lost in Julia, so lost in his love for her, and James barged right in on it. James looked extremely guilty. "I…ummmmm," he paused. "Sorry guys," he said, quickly rushing out of the door.<p>

Jake climbed off Julia and grabbed a clean shirt from the laundry pile. "I don't want to go to breakfast," Julia said, shoving her face down in the pillow.

"And what do you want to do?" Jake asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Stay in bed," she said before pausing, "with you."

Jake's head snapped to look at her. It was incredible what just a couple words could do to him.

"Careful what you say," he said.

"Why's that?" she asked.

"Julia," Jake said. "We haven't talked about this yet. I love you," he paused. How was he supposed to word this? "But I don't want to rush into," he gestured to the bed, "this. Last time…"

Julia started laughing. "I know," she said. "To be honest, it makes me nervous. I blocked out my emotions last time. I used you. I want the next time to be special."

"Well if you don't want me to jump you here and now, you should probably not make statements like you 'want to spend all day in bed with me.' You have no idea of the effect you have on me."

"I think I have an idea," Julia replied flipping back over and smiling at him. "Because I'm pretty sure you have the same effect on me."

"Well perhaps we should stop this where it is right now, and go get some breakfast before we train today."

"I guess," Julia said, sitting up. Jake grabbed her hand and helped her out of bed and they headed to breakfast together.

* * *

><p>"What the hell was with earlier?" Jake asked James after breakfast. Julia had gone off to her room to take a shower, even though they would be training and getting sweaty in an hour.<p>

"I wasn't thinking," James said.

Jake shot James a glare. "Seriously Jake," James said, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I've spent our whole life barging into your room whenever I want. I wasn't thinking. It will never happen again. I promise!"

"I guess it's understandable," Jake said. "But don't feel like you can burst in on me and my girlfriend just because things are going slow with yours."

"What makes you think things are going slowly?" James asked, suddenly put off, but then he saw Jake laughing.

"I'm kidding around James," Jake said. "Besides, Julia and I are taking things slow."

James looked at Jake. "Are you okay with that?" he asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jake asked.

"Well we are guys. It's in our nature to, uh, want more," James replied.

"Not that it's anything to you, but it's a mutual decision," Jake said.

"Well good for you," James replied. "Let's going train."


	2. Unexpected

"Do you guys want to grab some lunch?" Annie asked as they left the training room.

"Sure," James said.

Everyone else agreed so they changed quickly and went headed out to Taki's.

Julia was the first to enter, but walked in backwards, continuing the conversation she was having with James. And of course, she walked into someone.

She turned around to apologize, but the words died in her throat. "Emmett!" she squealed, throwing herself at the man. It was none other than Emmett Machion, eldest son of the head of the Institute in New York.

"Julia," Emmett laughed, hugging her back after realizing who she was. "How are you?" he asked.

"I didn't know you were coming back," she replied instead of answering. Detaching herself from him, Julia looked beyond him. "Is Roy with you?" she asked.

"He'll be back in a couple of days," Emmett replied, greeting everyone else in the process. "My mom had a couple more things to take care of, and he wanted to stay a couple of extra days."

Julia nodded. Her and Roy had a thing when she first came to New York, running from both the Shadowhunters and Sebastian, or Jonathan, or whatever you prefer to call him. In fact, Roy had been the one to find her, hiding out, broken hearted, and holding secret meetings with Downworlders in an attempt to find her parents and their friends. After her and Roy had become a couple, Jake had shown up in New York with several others and their relationship had been shaken. Over time, Julia realized her heart would always belong to Jake, but Roy had told Jake he wanted to try and be friends and Julia and Jake had even gone to dinner with him and his new girl Cathy.

Julia still felt bad about what she did to Roy. She knew he had really liked her, and with the way she had ended things she was sure he would never talk to him. Sleeping with Jake was definitely the lowest thing she had done. But she had wanted them all to stay safe. She had wanted them all to be so angry with her they would not follow. That had backfired.

Julia's thoughts were interrupted by Emmett speaking again. She looked up at him, only to realize he wasn't talking to her. "Hey Macy," he said grinning. Julia looked behind her to see Macy blushing.

"Hi Emmett," she replied.

"I thought they were together already," James whispered in Julia's ear, a bit too loudly. There was an awkward silence when no one knew what to say before Macy laughed.

"We are," she said, "but unlike the rest of you we don't have to be attached at the hip every second."

"He didn't even tell you he was coming back?" Jake questioned skeptically.

"Hey, I've been on trial enough this month," Emmett put his hands up. Macy went over to him and lowered his hands.

"I did know he was coming back," she grinned. "I just wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well Emmett," Jake said sheepishly, trying to redeem himself. "We were just about to eat. Have you had anything yet? Or were you just leaving?"

"I already ate," Emmett said, "but I'll sit with you guys for a while."

"So that'll be another one of you?" the hostess asked, her bright green eyes scanning the group.

"Yes please," Julia said.

"Follow me then," the hostess said, leading them to a table near the back corner. Julia followed absentmindedly, her hand finding Jake's. She thought back vaguely to all the time she had spent here; all the meetings she had in the backrooms. All the Downworlders she had met, the information she had gathered. It wasn't really that long ago, but it felt like a distant memory, almost like another lifetime.

"Do you know what you want?" she felt, rather than really heard Jake whisper in her ear.

"Just a burger," she replied quietly.

"Something wrong?" he questioned quietly. He noticed James looking at them curiously. Julia must have noticed too. Her head snapped up from the menu and she forced a smile onto her face.

"Of course not," she said, sending her smile James' way as well as reassurance. "Just remembering," she added quietly. Before he could question her, Macy asked him a question, and with another glance at Julia, Jake let the conversation drop.

* * *

><p>As they left Taki's, Jake wrapped his arms around Julia's waist. It was the little things he loved the most. Being able to hold her like this, look at her whenever he wanted, kiss her. After she had left he never thought he'd be able to do these things again. It had felt like a part of him was missing. So he searched and searched for her. And when he found her, he found her with Roy. And it was almost like his heart broke all over again. He had wanted to fight for her, but after meeting Roy, couldn't find it in him.<p>

And now they were back together. Jonathan was gone, and things were right. He knew they were just restarting their relationship, but he had visions of their future. Her in her gold dress, James standing beside him. Exchanging runes that would bond their hearts forever. Little kids running around. He had tried to talk about these things with James but James had just laughed and smacked him. 'You do know how old we are right?' James would question. Jake would smile and reply that he did. But he could not shake the daydreams. Especially when the daydreams were so much better than his real dreams.

He heard Julia mutter something next to him and snapped back to attention. "What?" he questioned with an apologetic look.

"I'm going to read when we get back if that's okay? I found this book I think is written in a sort of a Japanese demonic mixture by that half sprite author I was telling you about."

"The one who writes a bunch of books that don't make sense?" Jake laughed.

"They're supposed to if you read them in order," Julia frowned. "I just can't figure out what that order is."

"Right," Jake rolled his eyes. Shortly after they were joined by James and Annie, leaving Emmett and Macy to themselves. The group made their way back to the Institute amiably, but Jake could not help but notice that Julia still seemed sad for some reason.

* * *

><p>Jake and James spent several hours together. Neither of them had realized it, but they had been spending more time with their girlfriends than each other. "I guess it's part of growing up," James had said as they sat in his room. But now that they both realized how little time they had been spending together it began to bother them. Finally, with an agreement to do better, they separated to find their girlfriends.<p>

As she had not come to find him, Jake had to assume Julia was still in the library. He headed that way, finding her, as expected, curled up in a chair. She was peering thoughtfully at a page and it did not look as if she had made much progress in the book. He sat down in the chair beside hers and waited for her to acknowledge him. After a few minutes of confused expressions and lip biting, she finally put the book down and smiled at him.

"Good book?" he asked her.

"I'm so lost it's not even funny. Either I have my translations way off, or the book literally does not make sense."

"Hmmm," Jake said, taking the book from her. "Must be you." He flipped through the pages, not seeing a single word he recognized, before setting the book down on the table between them. "Can I ask you something?" he asked, looking at her tentatively.

"Of course," she look at him with confusion.

"What was wrong today?" he asked, leaning toward her a bit. It took a moment before she started to answer.

"Do you remember your little spot?" Julia questioned. "The one you showed me the first day we met. With the tree at the end of the field, and the little spot that your body fit perfectly into?"

"Yeah," he replied slowly.

"I used to have a spot like that," she replied, looking down at her now intertwined hands. "It was a little spot all to myself. Whenever I was overwhelmed, or didn't want to be near my parents friends, I would go there. It wasn't far from the house, maybe a five minute walk. I think I always felt like a rebel when I'd go there. The first time I wandered off and found it my mom was furious. She tried to ground me, but realized that there was nothing to ground me from. My life revolved around training and I didn't have any friends. I think that was the first time I realized I was lonely."

Jake didn't know what to say at first. He didn't know what was going through her head. He didn't know why she was telling him this. They had known each other for such a short time, but he was usually able to tell what she was thinking. Right now though, he had no idea. "What was the spot like?" he asked, going with a safe question.

"It was hardly a spot at all," Julia laughed, with a tinge of sadness in her voice. "And yet I was always able to find it. There was literally this little divot in between two hills. I wouldn't even call them hills. It's just like a yard, but not perfectly flat. And there was this little spot that just dipped down maybe a couple of inches. And somehow sitting in it was so much more comfortable than just sitting on the grass anywhere else. My butt fit in the spot perfectly. The first time I sat I sat there for hours. My mom freaked out. My dad just laughed. Said I could fight off anything that came my way and ruffled my hair. Maybe that's why I always liked my dad better. He knew when to be tough and when not to be. Maybe I'm just too much like him."

"Are you okay Julia?" the tone in her voice was scaring him. He had never heard her so melancholic.

"I'm being really depressing, aren't I?" she smiled. But even that had no warmth to it. "I'm sorry," she looked over at him. In the depths of her golden eyes he could see a lot more sorrow than anyone her age had any right to feel. "I've just been thinking about him a lot lately. You know, my dad. And I miss him like crazy. But my mom's still alive. I still have her. I should be making efforts to see her, or even talk to her. But I just…I don't want to. So I keep getting this feeling I'm a horrible person."

"Julia," Jake got out of his chair and crouched in front of hers. "You are not a horrible person. It's normal to feel this way. Your mother is the only living person who really knew your dad besides you. You and your dad were really close. I think you and your mother just need some time apart. Like you've said before, you don't really know her. You always turned to your dad for everything. It's natural that you would not turn to your mother, even now. Besides, she still blames you. Just take some time. But don't feel bad about it."

"You're right," Julia sighed. "I don't know why I keep getting so sad about it."

"I think you just miss your dad," Jake reasoned.

"I think you're right," Julia replied. "At least Isabelle and Alec are supposed to be visiting in a couple of days. Maybe that will make me feel better."

"I still think it's weird you don't call them your aunt and uncle." With that one sentence, the topic was changed, and Julia felt herself becoming less and less melancholy with each passing moment.

* * *

><p>Sent to help with the number of underage Shadowhunters currently at the New York Institute, by both tutoring and monitoring, Mr. Grayson also currently held the duty of temporary head of the Institute in the absence of Mr. Machion. He was an instant success with every single one of them. He knew just what to say and when to say it. He knew when to let them be on their own and when to intrude. He knew when they needed something and knew when they didn't. Additionally, he was not a parent to any of them, and that resulted in a lack of irritation such as one usually gets with family members. He also tended to spend a lot of time in the kitchen making them delicious meals. And so it was there Julia happened upon him nearly two weeks after her conversation in the library with Jake.<p>

With a smile on his face he offered her a bowl of soup which Julia accepted appreciatively. "You always know exactly what we want don't you?" Julia laughed. Mr. Grayson just smiled and dipped his spoon back into his bowl.

"There's been word of a Behemoth Demon in the railway system," he said after a few moments of silence. Julia perked up at that. It had been a while since she had been out.

"Oh," was all she said, trying not to appear too eager.

"Mhmm," he added, enjoying a mouth full of soup. He had a mischievous grin on his face and Julia knew she was going.

"We get to go don't we," she smiled.

"Jake, James, Emmett and Macy already left," Mr. Grayson smiled. "You slept a little late. But Jake said he would wait for you at the subway."

Julia dropped her spoon into the soup. "What!? They left without me. The fight will be over by the time we get there."

"If they even find anything," Mr. Grayson added.

"Why did no one wake me," Julia shouted as she ran out of the kitchen. She sprinted to her room knowing the answer. She hadn't been sleeping well lately and no one would have wanted to wake her. Plus four Shadowhunters, regardless of age, would be more than enough for a Behemoth Demon. But still, she was sick of the stuffy training room and itched for a fight. She threw on her gear, grabbed a couple of weapons, her sensor, and stele, and ran down the hallways, almost twitching as she waited for the lift to take her down to the entrance. Before she knew it, she was on her way to the subway, eager for a fight.

* * *

><p>Julia stared at Jake leaning against the pillar. He had one leg bent back and his arms casually crossed in front of him. Under the edge of his sleeve she could see the bottom line of a rune. She couldn't see enough of it to tell what it was. The rest of his arms were bare, minus of course the hundreds of tiny scars that marked him as well as every other Shadowhunter. <em>A life of scars and killing,<em> she thought. Julia immediately shook away the morbid thought. Death was imminent, unavoidable. She would die one day anyways, why not die young, saving the world.

Jake's hair looked a dull brown in the artificial lighting of the underground railway station. Beyond him she saw a group of giggling girls staring at him and pointing. He wore simple black pants and a tight black v-neck. Julia couldn't fail to notice, and she doubted the other girls could either, how incredibly good looking he was. It made her unbelievably happy to know that he was hers. She was about to go up to him when one of the girls broke away from the group and headed toward Jake. Amused, Julia stayed back to watch.

"Hi," the girl said approaching Jake, a wide smile on her face. It seemed to take Jake an eternity to turn his head toward her and Julia couldn't help but notice the expression on the girls face fall considerably.

"Hello," Jake responded politely.

The girl immediately brightened back up. "My friends and I," she gestured behind her, "couldn't help but notice your tattoo," she said pointing at his hand. Jake looked down at it as if he was just noticing it for the first time. "What does it mean?" the girl asked. Julia saw her friends behind her whispering and giggling.

"Did you just ask me the symbolic meaning of an eye?" Jake asked dryly.

The girl look flustered. "I...I only meant..."

Jake cut her off. "I'm waiting for someone so if you don't mind," he gestured for her to leave. The girl looked very put off and slightly confused as she headed back to her friends without another word.

Jake turned ready to lean back against his pole when he caught Julia out of the corner of his eye.

She walked toward him. "Enjoying yourself?" he asked, his serious expression turning quickly into a grin.

"She looks upset," Julia replied looking past him. The girls were glaring at her. "I think you've offended her."

"I have eyes only for you babe," Jake replied.

Julia looked past him again. The girls were still glaring. "So I have no competition?" she asked, shifting her eyes back to his.

"You never did," he replied. Besides, if it's competition you're worried about I'd have to say I should be more worried about you."

"Why's that?" Julia asked. Jake gestured behind her to a group of several guys staring in their direction.

"If they could undress you with your eyes they would," he added.

"I know how much you'd love to see that," Julia replied winking. Jake groaned. "What?" she asked.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop making comments like that to me," he said. "Especially in public places."

Julia laughed. "It was a simple statement Jake. I think you need to learn self-control."

"It's hard when I'm around you."

That only made Julia laugh more. "What are you laughing at?" he asked.

"Was that supposed to be a pun?" she asked. Jake stared at her for a moment before it clicked and then he groaned again.

"Not funny," he said through gritted teeth. Julia kept laughing. "Stop laughing at me," he added. She still did not stop laughing. Finally, he grabbed her and pulled her right against him, her body molding perfectly into his. He put his lips to hers and the laughter ceased immediately. "Don't try and tell me I don't have a similar effect on you," he whispered in her ear. She felt his hand trail up the side of her leg and rest on the edge of her hip. Try as she might, Julia could not stop her breath from quickening, or keep her heart rate from going up. Jake kept his face an inch from hers as his thumb rubbed along the smooth skin of her hip. She felt it dip below the waistline. Not far, not even an inch, but that was all it took. Her breathing quickened rapidly.

"Jake," she whispered, "We're in a public place." He immediately withdrew his hand from her and took a step back against the pole. He smirked at her flushed face.

"And now," he said smugly, "you know how I feel when you say things to me."

"Goodness," Julia replied in a mock tone. "I suppose I'll have to stop speaking altogether if that's how you feel whenever I say something."

"Ha ha," Jake replied leaning against the pole. Julia stepped toward him and took his hands in hers. She smiled at him and in an instant he was smiling back.

"You know I love you right?" she asked.

"Of course," he said. "And I love you." She took a step closer to him and wrapped her arms around him again. He wrapped one arm around her and stroked her hair with the other. Julia loved the little moments like this. When it was just her and him and all the unspoken words between them. She rested her head against his chest and they stayed like that until the train came.

* * *

><p>As expected, the dispatching of the demon was more than easy enough for the five of them. In fact, the hardest part was finding the darn thing. The group was in a good mood as they neared the Institute. Jake was midway through complimenting Emmett on actually finding the demon when he paused. Julia followed his gaze. Standing in front of the Institute, facing the gate and staring up at the old church was a girl with hair the identical color of Jake's. She couldn't have been more than ten, but she certainly had the look and stance of a Shadowhunter. The others had stopped behind them, aware that something was going on. Jake stared at the girl another moment before saying with confusion, "Sis?"<p>

The young girl turned to them slowly, and suddenly everything felt very wrong to Julia. Jake started to walk toward the girl in recognition, a smile on his face, but Julia pulled him back. He looked back at her in confusion, but she was looking at his sister's eyes. Jake must have realized something was wrong, because he did not try to fight her. James, on the other side of him, took a step toward her before he too realized something was wrong. Her expression was dead, dull, and lifeless. They waited a moment, Jake staring at her in confusion, and James on the verge of taking another step when she spoke. "He's coming." Her voice was barely above a whisper, but they all heard her loud and clear. And then, before any of them could react, she pulled a knife out of her belt and stabbed herself.


	3. Lunch

There_ was smoke everywhere. It swirled around him in thick waves, its source unknown. But Jake didn't care. He looked up above him to his leader, Jonathan, and saw him smiling to the girl next to him. Jake felt a twinge at the sight of her responding smile. Where did that twinge come from? Through the swirls, he saw the girl look at him, but her eyes immediately shifted away. What was her name again? Why couldn't he remember? He shrugged to himself, looking toward Jonathan for direction. Through the smoke he saw Jonathan wave his hand in a relaxed gesture and realized he was talking to the girl. Jake felt an almost unidentifiable feeling in the pit of his stomach. He would have thought it was jealousy, but that made no sense. The smoke swirled once again and when he could see the scene had changed._

_The girl was in front of him. Julia. That was her name, Julia. "Hey babe," she came toward him. Before he could register what was happening she was kissing him. There was a fire where their bodies met. She pushed back on him and he felt himself falling, but before he went far hi back hit something. A bed. The two of them toppled backwards, Julia never breaking her lips from his. He felt the heat within him rise and not from the smoke around them. He knew something was wrong. Something about this was all wrong. Despite that thought he fed his fingers through her hair and pulled her closer. Jake's could not decide if his head was completely clear of thoughts, or if it was so cloudy he could not think at all. Julia pulled at his shirt, starting with the hem. She followed his shirt up with a trail of kisses, leaving a blazing path wherever her lips touched his skin, before pulling it over his head. Within no time there was nothing between the two of them, their clothes discarded into the flames. Julia reached out to grab something. It all felt so wrong, and it all felt so right. He assumed she was grabbing protection and shifted himself underneath her. He stared into her eyes as she shifted to match her body with his. There was a glint in her eyes he had not noticed. Before he could question it, his eyes caught a glint between them. He looked down just in time to see a knife sliding into his stomach. The smoke swirled once more._

_Jake opened his eyes, gasping. He immediately looked down and pulled up his shirt to grab his stomach. How had his shirt gotten back on? In fact, all of his clothes were on. He searched and searched his stomach but saw no wound. Where had that girl gone? What was her name? The memories were fading. The smoke in front of him seemed to swirl faster as he stood up slowly. Appearing out of the smoke before him was a stock of white hair. He had a vague memory of Jonathan sitting up high, in a throne-like chair next to someone…the memory faded even as he thought of it. It was replaced by an overbearing thought of servitude. "Jonathan," he bowed his head down reverently. In Jonathan's hand there was a sword. A sword Jake had only heard of. "You got it," he breathed reverently, reaching his hand toward it. Jonathan stroked finger along the side of the blade. In an instant the blade vanished and Jake dropped his arm._

"_Not yet," Jonathan murmured. "Maellartach, the Mortal Sword. Not yet." He looked at Jake with depthless black eyes. "But I will." He stepped toward Jake. "And you will get it for me, won't you?"_

_Jake gave a grin that matched Jonathan's own. "Yes," he affirmed. "I will." Just before the smoke swirled in front of him again, he saw a glimpse of a girl, a knife sticking out of her stomach. His sister._

Jake woke up in a cold sweat. He gasped for air and found himself breathing normal, albeit a bit stale, air, rather than smoke. This was the seventh night in a row he had a bad nightmare. The seventh night since his sister, sweet little Sylvia, the one he had abandoned, drove that knife right… Sighing, Jake pushed the thought out of his mind. He climbed out of bed and headed toward his bathroom, splashing water onto his face. He looked at his gaunt face in the mirror and debated heading to Julia to seek relief and comfort. There was something tugging at the back of his mind though. The glint in her eyes as she had drove the knife into him. It had only been a dream, but still, he could not shake it. Grabbing a fresh shirt from his dresser, he headed off to find James.

* * *

><p>Julia was tired. She had been throwing herself into her training. After the incident with Jake's sister, he had been growing more and more distant. He seemed unwilling to talk about anything and holed himself up in his room with James. At least he had James. Julia was trying very hard to be understanding. It had only been a week after all, but the alone time was getting to her. Due to the odd circumstances of the death of Sylvia there was no funeral to be held in Idris. The Silent Brothers had her body and were performing the Shadowhunting equivalent of an autopsy. Now Jake had no closure, and Julia tried to support him. It was so easy to reveal her emotions to him. For whatever reason, she was able to open up to him. But now that she had to be there for him and support him, she was finding it difficult. Her own emotions she could do. And Jake's love she could handle. But the range of emotions needed for this; sympathy, empathy, sorrow. Those she was not good at.<p>

Training, knife throwing, running even, those were the things she was good at. Those were the things that distracted her. Every waking moment not spent destroying demons in the streets of New York was spent in either the training room or the weapons room. She barely spent any time reading anymore, the Japanese-demonic book she was so intent on interpreting left abandoned in the library. Instead, she just threw knives.

Julia liked throwing knives. She was good at it. Great even. This was simple, almost mindless. She knew where the knife would be when it left her hand. There was no question. It was something she was sure of. The same could not be said for the rest of her life. Julia did not like things that were unsure. So she kept throwing knives.

The door to the training room opened and Julia released one last knife before turning. There was a brief moment of excitement and relief that flooded her. Standing in the doorway was several of the people she was closest with. Isabelle, Alec and Magnus were there. They would understand her, they would give her advice on what to do. All hopes dropped when Alec moved off to the side and Julia froze. Standing with Isabelle, Alec and Magnus, was her mother. Was she ready to see her? Julia was not quite so sure, but she did not have much of a choice now. She accepted the hugs of Alec and Magnus, lingering in a greeting with Isabelle before facing the inevitable.

"I…" her mother stood awkwardly. "I was hoping we could have lunch."

* * *

><p>Julia sat in Taki's with her mother. There was an awkward silence that Julia refused to break. After all, her mother was the one that wanted to have lunch, so she could be the one to break the silence. "This was a favorite place of your fathers," her mother finally spoke after they had ordered. Julia sipped her water and nodded.<p>

"I remember him talking about it," she replied. Her mother nodded and silence ensued once more. After another awkward minute her mother tried again.

"The Clave wanted to send some Shadowhunters here to investigate. And for more supervision," her mother glanced at her hesitantly. "I wanted to come see you."

"You didn't have to," Julia replied bitterly.

"And you didn't have to kill him," her mother shot back to both their horror. There was a pause as Julia's blood started to boil.

"This is why you came here?" Julia questioned angrily. "To yell at me, once again, for making the right choice?"

"Did you even think of anyone else?" her mother questioned, her temper in full force. Julia started to answer, but her mother cut her off. "Did you think about me? Or Isabelle? Or Alec? You were not there afterwards. The rune," her mother said, her voice quiet "It bled. Alec. He was broken. But you only thought about yourself," her mother turned on her once again.

"Myself?" Julia questioned incredulously, her voice rising. "Myself? I did it for the whole Shadow World mother, and since you have clearly forgotten, I didn't mean to kill him. I didn't want to. I stopped before the killing blow. I didn't…" she hesitated, her voice lowering once again. "I didn't realize they'd already lost so much blood." Fortunately, the little restaurant was virtually empty and the other patrons were too involved in their own problems to worry about theirs.

Clary would not listen. Her irrationality had already grabbed hold and she stared darkly at her daughter. "You did it because you were selfish."

"And you wonder why I left," Julia muttered.

"What did you say to me?" her mother questioned, her eyes flashing, her red hair swirling around her face.

"I said," Julia raised her voice once more, her anger getting the better of her, "And you wonder why I left. You think I was being selfish? How is that selfish? Killing my own father?"

"You did not think it through! There were other options. There had to have been. You acted rashly!"

"There were no other options. Dad knew it and I knew it. You just can't seem to get past that."

"I can't accept his death," her mother said a little coldly and that's when Julia lost it.

"That's because you were never really a Shadowhunter," she said just as cold, starting to slide out of the booth

"Maybe I did not grow up one Julia," her mother's voice was colder than Julia could ever remember hearing it, "but I am still a Shadowhunter. And I think you tend to forget that."

"I didn't mean to offend you," Julia stated, pausing in her exit. She sat right on the edge of the booth, unable to meet her mother's eyes. She was just now realizing they said some harsh things to each other, both back in Idris and now.

All anger and coldness was missing from her mother's voice when she spoke and Julia knew she was regretting things said as well. "I didn't come all the way here to fight with you." Further talk was interrupted by the arrival of their waitress with their food. Julia awkwardly slid back into the booth, her stomach rumbling. Neither spoke as they dove into their food. Their appetites, Julia thought, might be one of the few things they had in common.

"I came to spend time with you," her mother finally stated, swirling ketchup around with a fry.

"To supervise me?" Julia translated.

"You're still young, Julia," her mother said quietly, meeting her gaze. "When I was your age I trained at the Institute, but still had to live at home with my mother."

"So you don't trust me?" Julia interpreted, fully aware that she was wrong, but saying it anyways. They had momentarily reached a silent truce after saying awful things to each other and Julia was about to start another fight.

"That's not what I mean," her mother looked put out. "But now that it's been brought up," she straightened in her seat, "I don't trust him."

"You don't trust him?" Julia questioned, exasperated.

"I just feel like you got together a little fast," her mother said sadly. "All of you in your little group. I mean Emmett and Macy knew each other for a few days before they started dating! You're all so young."

"Mom," Julia tried, once again to explain to her mother how short their lives could be. "First of all, you and dad were really young when you started dating. Second of all, we're _Shadowhunters_. We can't wait until we're in our twenties to find our matches. And you just tried to change the subject by throwing Emmett and Macy into it. What do you mean you don't trust Jake?"

"And there's just so many of you young ones here," her mother added as if she had not heard Julia.

"I'm not that young mom," Julia replied, a bit of an edge to her voice, then realized her mother tried to change the topic away from Jake once more. "And did you really bring up that you don't trust Jake only to avoid the topic?"

Her mother took a deep breath and sighed. "Perhaps, Julia, you do not know your boyfriend as well as you think you do." Julia did not like the condescending tone she was being spoken to with.

"Perhaps I know him better than you think."

"He is keeping secrets from you. Whether he is trying to protect you, or just doesn't want you to know, I am not sure. But he is keeping secrets from you."

Julia looked at her mother ready to prove her wrong. "Jake wouldn't keep anything from me," she said quietly.

"Haven't you ever noticed anything," her mother replied, "anything about him that was off. Even the slightest thing?"

Julia had her retort right on the tip of her tongue. But before she could say anything an image of Jake filled her mind. She saw his face, the first time she had met him in the training room. His brown hair brushed lightly above his eyes, which had looked gold. But it had been fleeting. Because his eyes were brown. And she could have let it go as nothing if she had not seen them as gold once again. "I..." she started to say, prepared to lie to her mother and tell her there was nothing off. But she could not bring herself to do it and she fell silent.

"He's not telling you everything Julia!" her mother blurted out.

"Yes," Julia replied, trying hard to convince herself. "He has. We trust each other."

"Has he told you about working with his father then?" her mother questioned and Julia's heart stopped.


End file.
